Randomness....

peace surrounds me in this eternal night as the wind caresses my body, and fills my mind with the whispers of trees swaying from its touch .

darkened shadows hide the unseen yet faded memories remain waiting for a touch to awaken them once more.

Mom?

So my daughter has taken to calling me 'mom' the past few days as opposed to 'mommy' or 'momma'. Makes me feel old. hehe. She's not quite three, so I was hoping to have more of the 'little' baby time. I guess kids just grow up faster than we expect though. I'm not sure why this one thing seems to mark a more grown up change in her as opposed to say her speaking in complete sentences with decent grammer. ( Which she's been able to do for awhile now). It just seems as though this one thing, so inconsequential in the long run, marks her as a older child, no longer a baby or a toddler. And in some ways it saddens me, this feeling of my baby, my little pixie, growing up and moving on. Strange what stands out to us sometimes....

On another note i have a two and half and a four yr old now begging for attention so I should probably go before i need a demolition crew to undo the damage XD lol

Alive? why yes XD

So hello out there, I seem to still be alive and kicking. Though I admit rather silent lately. I've been dealing with a lot of things and just haven't seemed to find the time to sit down and just write. Most of it has been dealing with medicare and medicaid and yelling at them. Which of course is just tooonnnsss of fun (note sarcasm). I've also been coordinating with my DARS counselor about getting evaluated to see if I can go back to work (i'm on disability). None of which is really all THAT important... I just felt the need to explain why I'd dropped off the face of the earth. XD Just so you know I should start dropping some more posts here soon to entertain you. Some of which will probly be my current thoughts on our governments idea of health care and disabled services as I have been dealing with those as of late and find them to have a few gaping holes. Or maybe not... it all depends.

Anywho...

Till the rain drums down
upon scorched earth,
I shall hide myself away
from eternity's sweet light,
as i wait with bated breath
for the return
of night's loving embrace.

Randomness....

Spaces collide;
formulation of thoughts
and images well hidden
possess the innocent.





Breath in a bit,
paused in thoughts
of overwhelming variety.
Keep close and listen well...
for upon the wings of wind
the sounds which u seek
are oft' found hidden.
No time left now,
but that which to be;
to exist,
in harmony with life.

Christmas Time....

I suppose it would be kind of remiss of me not to make a post about the upcoming holiday. I sit here listening to Christmas music, slightly amazed at how much having a small child can put one more in the Christmas spirit. We threw up the tree and decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving. I think I might actually be more excited than my daughter. lol. Just the thought of seeing the look on her face.... She finally has the concept of "Santa" down. :) And she also seems to be of the opinion that this is the prettiest holiday.

All this makes me want to be a little more into the actual goings on than the past few years. I'm making the time to make cookies from scratch with her tomorrow. 8 dozen.... I must be insane. Complete with icing... also from scratch... all because I know she'll get a kick out of it. It all works out though... I have cookies and breads to give to family and friends for Christmas since I spent most of my Xmas money on her. What can I say... I'm a sucker. hehe. Granted she didn't ask for anything other than cars, socks, and a hat from Santa, but that's beside the point.

Anyways, the whole reason for the post originally was a passing thought I had a few moments before. You see I'm not christian ~waves her hand~ yes, yes I know... it's my choice though so hush please. I also fully well intend for my daughter to figure out what she believes and not shove crap down her throat. neways... I'm really not sure what I am. As much as I mean to... I just never find the time to find a particular religion I feel at home in or comfortable with. Don't get me wrong... I have beliefs, just not a religion per se.

Here's where the weird part comes in... and in essence the reason for the post. My beliefs in general lead towards a more pagan or shamanistic viewpoint I suppose. And yet, Christmas is a christian holiday.... So why do i feel compelled to celebrate it? Tradition? The ideal of giving and hope instilled in the holiday? I'm really not sure... though I think it might be a bit of both the aforementioned. I love an excuse to give people close to me things. hehe.


I suppose I'm really wondering tho if I'm the only non-christian out there who celebrates Christmas? And if you aren't, and you do... is there a particular reason why?

I should so be in bed right now...

Something about having to be up at 6 am for a change and it's almost 1. Ah well, sleep's no fun anyways. Right? I have elected to play with my new toy instead. Yup, you guessed it... this is my new toy. All shiny and simple. I really made it to just toss out random poetry and a few thoughts for discussion. That lasted all of two days before boredom and exhaustion destroyed any such conceptions.

Blah. Now what to talk about? Hmm...

Internal thoughts stream past at dizzying speeds. Read through and discarded one after the other. Each no better than the last. Randomness ensues within a deadened and lifeless mind. A sip of coffee provides momentary relief and a jolt of awareness, only to spiral back into autopilot as the cup is empty once more. Free writing they call it... but do we each see it as the same thing? Perhaps for some it is not truly a 'free' experience as they are self-consciously checking each and every thought. what will this person say? or what if so-and-so no longer likes me? How pathetic. See? Point proven. I judged them as they expected, though, perhaps not for the reasons they expected. A hundred and more reasons I could give for it to not really be free writing... because to 'free-write' you have to let go of everything in my opinion. Not even think of what you're writing as it flows to the paper. Don't stop, don't second guess, just let it be. Forget about who might be listening or watching and hit publish before you can stop to think. Liberating in a way....

Hmm, I dont free write often, but I always find it brings forth the strangest thoughts.... Don't you?

I know I did mention this blog was mainly for random writings...

But isn't it kinda weird that my daughter likes dried pluots covered in ground ginger?? Seriously, where does she come up with this stuff? ~shakes head and goes back to checking her email~ As much as I love her I will never understand that child.